The Prayer of a Troubled Bystander

This is a personal peek into my inner world. It may resonate or it may offend. Feel free to leave comments.

 

Dear God:

You have observed my quietness of late, no doubt. You have listened to my inner struggles and angst and torment.  You have heard my unarticulated cries of grief and pain.  You have known of my inability to place things in their proper order. Yes, you have known the roads I have trod.

I am not alone in this struggle. Many, many more are dismayed, troubled, tormented, and, yes, even terrorized, by these last few months.  Neither they nor I have much hope for anything better in the days ahead.  In fact, my suspicions are that things will worsen.

I am a divided man down to the deepest parts of me. While I know that in the olden days, a piece of humanity was seen through the eyes of Hebraic holism, and no one part was separated out from another part, though in the psalms we see much emotion, pain, grief, and rage alongside hope, trust, faith, reverence. In my own self, I am able to pinpoint various parts of me that think, feel, and see things differently and maybe even connectedly. I am angry, sad, worried, perplexed, troubled, and full of doubt.

On the one hand there is the adage that you are in control, that “God is in control.” That comes out from the left and the right. Lest I overly offend you, we have talked before about this.  You were in control but where were you during the decimation of First Nations people? Where were you during the middle passage? Where were you when the chains, whips, lashes, inhumanity, and ownership were perpetrated upon brown people? Where were you during the Holocaust? Where were you during the horrors of Jim Crow? Where are you now?

Have you indeed chosen this particular administration, or is it that you have chosen governments in general to rule the people? Where were you when Nero was raging upon believers, and using them as torches to light the night? I do not do one-liners well, and that is one of my faults, that even when the one-liners have truth in them, I am prone to detect how the one-liners are used by whom and upon whom. I do not ask for easy answers, nor do I want them from those who are other places than me. I do not want to be patronized by folks who feign knowing more than the rest of us. 

Things these days trouble many of us.  I suspect that there are folks who voted for the Republican candidate who are equally as troubled as those of us who voted for the Democratic candidate. I do not know. I only suspect. No one is telling me those troubles.

Knowing that we have elected a man who disparages the physically challenged, who insults women, Hispanics, and Blacks, and who calls for policies that insult LGBTQ persons, one who overtly and covertly admires all things white and male, is deeply troubling. That he is now appointing amongst his cabinet those with racist ties and ideologies that mirror the worst of humanity. That the world is listening and watching, that other nations are already developing their plans, that we have lost esteem in the global community, is difficult to swallow.

Against all of these things and more, to know that some 81% of Christian evangelicals voted for him is even more astonishing.  We voted overwhelmingly for a man whose values are diametrically opposed to those of the Christian faith. I do not know exactly where to put that.  That leaders of the Christian right and apparently leaders of at least one foreign country, one which has been the enemy of American for decades, even centuries, applaud his election.

That children of all colors, and parents of all colors, tremble for the safety of their children. That racial epithets abound, rude words on walls of schools, cards sent to children, teachers who speak inflammatory language, and other things that send a clear message, unless you are white, you are not safe. That these are not just isolated events is deeply troubling.

On the streets in our cities, night after night, people are protesting, and for the most part those protests are calm and intense. At other times they devolve into violence and destruction. I am not in those crowds, but my heart is with them. They as individuals and as communities are speaking their minds. I wonder who is listening.

So, Jehovah, I am troubled. I know only one place to turn.  You have always been steadfast. Looking backwards is more likely to make sense than the present, and certainly the future holds much anxiety and worry.

I just want to know that you are here and that you hear and that you will respond on behalf of our people.  I just want to know that what breaks our hearts also breaks your heart. If that is so, then I am ok. I think we will all be ok if we know that your heart is broken when your people are threatened and scared.

Amen