This I Believe.......

We live in an either/or world. Seems that we have to decide this or that, or that or this. Seems that saying both/and goes against the grain. I live in a both/and world, and maybe that's to my own demise, but it's the way I choose to live, and think, and feel, and behave in the midst of complex things.

Back in the days in the Academy when I had the privilege of teaching, mentoring, and supervising some of the brightest people on God's green earth, we pondered the things that I wrote in the first paragraph. They were people of faith and they were choosing to become clinicians. They believed in God and they believed in therapy. They lived in the world of both/and. I recall times when she or he would come into supervision feeling pumped about a session and how well it went and all. I watched some of those sessions, and I likewise marveled. I encouraged them to engage their God-given intuitive skills and their growing clinical skills with a spirit of humility, asking God for wisdom and guidance in sessions.

These days, I live in the both/and in terms of my health, social justice, racism, and all manner of things.  Yes, I believe in God and prayer, but wear the damn mask for goodness sake.  I pray and keep socially distanced. Faith in God does not mean checking wisdom and common sense at the door. I believe in prayer and all, and I believe that peaceful protests are a good thing and can be orchestrated for the common good of correcting historical wrongs.

One of those days that I am living in has to do with health. I meet with a world class surgeon who has publications a mile long and who can diagnose and treat my renal cell carcinoma easily because he's done them hundreds if not thousands of times before. When we share the good news of a report from Dr. Cadeddu at a follow-up, the sentiments are "praise God," "God pulled off another miracle," or "God has some things in mind for you," or "God is healing you."

I do not always say what I think, but if I did, it would be something along the lines of how I conversed with my students back in the day. It would sound like this, "Yes, God is good, and I have a world class physician who diagnosed and treated my condition. I have 3/4s of a kidney; otherwise, I'd not have one if we'd waited too long."

I got in trouble with a family member several years ago when I said, "Yes, the best of medicine and the best of God is a good thing," to which my kin said, "No! It's all about God." That may work for some but not for me.

You see, I live in a both/and space, and you know that if you know me well at all. I believe in God, I pray, I read the sacred texts, I journal, and I read other non-sacred materials to help me continue to learn and grow in faith and all, especially as we live in this crazy world.

On the other hand, I am a trained psychologist and marriage and family therapist, and these disciplines are what are called "soft sciences." They deal with patterns, statistics, common factors, and evidence-based practices. I believe in the world around us. I believe that it is knowable. I believe that medical folks are discovering things now that we never heard of. Try stem cell treatment for instance, or, go back 15 years and the MD would have taken out my entire kidney as opposed to now when via robotic surgery, only the cancerous portion has been removed.

I believe that "all truth is God's truth no matter where it is found." Some truth is revealed in God's word but not everything. Other truths are revealed in the lab or in surgery or in wherever God chooses to reveal it.

So, I'll continue to think, and sometimes say, "Yes, I believe God is faithful; and I have a world-class surgeon." Plain and simple. Yes, God is good and I am thankful that the pathway that happened, whether God orchestrated it or not, led to UT Southwestern. Yes, I believe in God's providence. I also believe in science and medicine.

Trust God and use common sense.  Trust God and trust science. Trust God and trust medicine.

So, until we can talk, wear the damn mask! It's a God-thing, a common sense thing, and a science thing. It's one of those both/and things.

Church, Gender, and Justice

I have found myself amused, curious, and at times troubled by my friends' responses to this article.

That article is found here an article entitled "Church of Christ Practice Harms Girls Long Term, Suggests 2018 Study."

Several things occur to me: there are gender differences, there are generation differences, and there are theological differences. Then, there are others. For instance, how some of us who are older and male who resonate with concerns for the younger women of our denomination. Count me there.
Another thing that hits me about this conversation is the notion of sin, shalom, and justice. I think we are unjust when our practices situated within the absence of shalom create even more dissonance for us shalom-seekers. If we create more pain, suffering, and dissonance in any of our people, we are guilty of injustices. I want my life to count toward re-creating shalom, and not for marginalizing anyone for whom Jesus died.
Back in the day, I taught a painful course on the integration of psychology and theology. No need to dredge up all of that last semester course. We attempted to look at the assumptions made by theology, science, psychology, and marital/family therapy. Lively discussions we did have. One thing that I recall quite vividly is that all disciplines use metaphor to make sense out of things. Also that levels of data are to be engaged with similar levels of data in the other disciplines. That is too complicated for now. Suffice it to say that that text and theology are not the same thing as the elements of whatever are not the same thing as science.
Good theology and good psychology (at theory and practice levels) should naturally interface well. Poor psychology and good theology will conflict. Good psychology and poor theology will conflict. Poor theology and poor theology may either match or conflict. I think it is left to those of us who care about these things to give equal credence to all angles of the issues. After all, theology is a human-made discipline as is psychology or marital/familytheory/therapy. So, I will continue to critique my theological assumptions as well as my assumptions about science and psychology as science (or not), and I will read the book upon this short article is based. And I will not assign blame to my friends who wind up in different places from me. But, at the end of the day, I want a healthier world for my grandchildren, all of them inclusive of their genders and roles in the church and the world.

What Are Those Tears in My Eyes?

What are those tears in my eyes?

Do they take me to another place

or do they remind of that space

and will they help me find the grace

and to continue to trace

the ways so as to someday see your face

or do they give me the energy to continue the race

of life to chase the never ending ways that memories intrude

and when the Holy One exudes

that majestic go and preach to the people beyond your reach

to those whose lives are lived on the edge of the chasm and teach

us that this ongoing battle over who owns

their soul

and who stole

and who throws the stones

and over the world still roams

and yet they have the right to speak

and eat and live and cry and die and not so meek

and before that to feed their children right from the start

and to feel their own need and to give us a generous heart

to heed their yearnings to build them a house

to place the possessions of the man his children his spouse

not by the color of their skin

feeling deeply the sin

of those who dwell within

the house of the evil one

who still lives under the same warm sun

of all of us

but to embrace the grace

that embraces us all

lest we fall

into misery of judgment and hate

and find ourselves with an empty plate

heaped up and running over with the fate

that we deserve

when we failed to serve

and when we have become a shell

on our way to hell

and of what service there could have been

had we loved all of God’s children

less than the big gun

from which we run

and on the walk-ways we see the blood

the deep red blood

where once they stood

now they cower in fear

that the end is near

while we ponder and pontificate

until it is too late

for that which we hate

and while we wait

another one plans the scheme

of which they dream

to tell a story of suffering and woe

and we are the foe

we have become

when our time is near we stop and pause

know that we spent our lives in a sacred cause

and retrieve the world from the grimy paws

of the evil one

because our race is run

but Lord you gave us strength

that brought us from the brink

of doubt and fear

and you were near

every step of the way

of the journey when you fed our souls

and you made us bold

to proclaim the truth

that cuts to the root

protect the babies and in them we hope

that when we are at the end of our rope

that we find strength to cope

with a world gone mad

and we find it sad

that we love our guns

see us make them run

just lead us out of the wilderness

of our own morose and madness into a better place

where we can see your face

because it looked a whole lot like those of another race

and their cries of sorrow and joy

it all began in the stable with that little boy

when evil and good

could be divided like we knew it would

just like that Red Sea of old

when they made it across

and they knew that you were boss

they left behind comfort and all that they lost

and the land was dry

and every tear-filled eye

and every heart was undivided and relieved

but on to the destiny of a wilderness wandering

that would lead them all to pondering

much like today when all around us we see and despair

there is too much to share

so we find our own people

who may not be inside under the steeple

for they may be out and about

looking for things about which to shout

and when I stop and listen

I know I am home

never more to roam

just to stand and sing

and let our hearts ring

for what is true and just

we have found it we must.

We find no peace at the end of a gun

When our race we’ve run

At the grave we stand

Not really part of your plan

forgive us we pray

lead us into a better day

when the life we save

this side of the grave

may be that girl or boy

now playing with that worn out toy

may we find more joy

before the children we destroy

What are the tears in my eyes?

The Prayer of a Troubled Bystander

This is a personal peek into my inner world. It may resonate or it may offend. Feel free to leave comments.

 

Dear God:

You have observed my quietness of late, no doubt. You have listened to my inner struggles and angst and torment.  You have heard my unarticulated cries of grief and pain.  You have known of my inability to place things in their proper order. Yes, you have known the roads I have trod.

I am not alone in this struggle. Many, many more are dismayed, troubled, tormented, and, yes, even terrorized, by these last few months.  Neither they nor I have much hope for anything better in the days ahead.  In fact, my suspicions are that things will worsen.

I am a divided man down to the deepest parts of me. While I know that in the olden days, a piece of humanity was seen through the eyes of Hebraic holism, and no one part was separated out from another part, though in the psalms we see much emotion, pain, grief, and rage alongside hope, trust, faith, reverence. In my own self, I am able to pinpoint various parts of me that think, feel, and see things differently and maybe even connectedly. I am angry, sad, worried, perplexed, troubled, and full of doubt.

On the one hand there is the adage that you are in control, that “God is in control.” That comes out from the left and the right. Lest I overly offend you, we have talked before about this.  You were in control but where were you during the decimation of First Nations people? Where were you during the middle passage? Where were you when the chains, whips, lashes, inhumanity, and ownership were perpetrated upon brown people? Where were you during the Holocaust? Where were you during the horrors of Jim Crow? Where are you now?

Have you indeed chosen this particular administration, or is it that you have chosen governments in general to rule the people? Where were you when Nero was raging upon believers, and using them as torches to light the night? I do not do one-liners well, and that is one of my faults, that even when the one-liners have truth in them, I am prone to detect how the one-liners are used by whom and upon whom. I do not ask for easy answers, nor do I want them from those who are other places than me. I do not want to be patronized by folks who feign knowing more than the rest of us. 

Things these days trouble many of us.  I suspect that there are folks who voted for the Republican candidate who are equally as troubled as those of us who voted for the Democratic candidate. I do not know. I only suspect. No one is telling me those troubles.

Knowing that we have elected a man who disparages the physically challenged, who insults women, Hispanics, and Blacks, and who calls for policies that insult LGBTQ persons, one who overtly and covertly admires all things white and male, is deeply troubling. That he is now appointing amongst his cabinet those with racist ties and ideologies that mirror the worst of humanity. That the world is listening and watching, that other nations are already developing their plans, that we have lost esteem in the global community, is difficult to swallow.

Against all of these things and more, to know that some 81% of Christian evangelicals voted for him is even more astonishing.  We voted overwhelmingly for a man whose values are diametrically opposed to those of the Christian faith. I do not know exactly where to put that.  That leaders of the Christian right and apparently leaders of at least one foreign country, one which has been the enemy of American for decades, even centuries, applaud his election.

That children of all colors, and parents of all colors, tremble for the safety of their children. That racial epithets abound, rude words on walls of schools, cards sent to children, teachers who speak inflammatory language, and other things that send a clear message, unless you are white, you are not safe. That these are not just isolated events is deeply troubling.

On the streets in our cities, night after night, people are protesting, and for the most part those protests are calm and intense. At other times they devolve into violence and destruction. I am not in those crowds, but my heart is with them. They as individuals and as communities are speaking their minds. I wonder who is listening.

So, Jehovah, I am troubled. I know only one place to turn.  You have always been steadfast. Looking backwards is more likely to make sense than the present, and certainly the future holds much anxiety and worry.

I just want to know that you are here and that you hear and that you will respond on behalf of our people.  I just want to know that what breaks our hearts also breaks your heart. If that is so, then I am ok. I think we will all be ok if we know that your heart is broken when your people are threatened and scared.

Amen