Looking at His Face Maybe for the Last Time: This is Personal

Her story is in the text below, bold and italicized because I think we need to hear her. Shared here only with permission is the story of a woman who loves her husband deeply, knowing that each time he leaves, it may be his last. Her story moved my heart. I hope we can hear it and hear it well, and hear it respectfully. I know this young woman, but have never met her husband. We hope to do so soon. It is the story of many who live in Black America, but more than that, it is her story, her personal story.

Because I think it's important that you know this experience isn't a sensationalized "thing" only brought forth by headlines and bandwagons...

Yesterday in the ...late afternoon, my husband decided he wanted to go visit his cousin in Trinity, TX which is about 30 minutes northeast of Huntsville. I quickly surveyed the time he was leaving, who he would be with, and the time he would potentially get back and politely suggested he should not go or leave earlier. My fear wasn't because he may or may not be drinking. It wasn't fear for him falling asleep on the road. It was for his safety as a black man driving at night.

What if something happens? What if his car breaks down late? How close is Cut and Shoot to where he's going? What is he wearing? He needs to change to look more presentable and not a threat in case something happens.

I prayed silently in my head that he was mindful and not careless even though he's from this small town. I surveyed his face trying to remember all the details and how big and bright his smile is "just in case." And I, as casually as I could, threw indirect reminders to him about being calm and patient on the road with everyone.

He ended up not going, deciding to hang out with his mom and go out with friends that evening. But this is my experience every . single. time. he leaves to go somewhere. If it is outside of the multicultural safety bubble that is our neighborhood, I'm anxious, I pray, and I try to remember his face "just in case."

Again, this fear is ever present no matter that is going on in the political realm, who may or may not be shooting at each other in the news, and what bloggers and sensationalists say in the media. I learned very early on that I needed to act a certain way to be considered a "good black person," and even that did not protect me from discrimination. The world taught me that as a *child*, not a specific person, movement, or ideology.

So, right now during a time of quiet and us not being hit with an onslaught of new stories about this, I hope that some of you, when the next headline comes up (which it will) of a person of color being harmed or discriminated against, that none of our criticisms be a downplaying or minimization of the DAILY stress that comes with being a person of color. If you've never had to memorize your loved one's face before they left for what should be a completely normal and everyday occurence, then you do not have the right to tell me what I should and should not feel.

Say anything else, but not that...

Shena T.

Eddie and Dorothy Wise, Black Farmers, Americans, Justice for Some

One of my tasks with the Black Farmers & Agriculturalists Association is to serve occasionally as fundraiser. Until we get more proficient at this, we use www.gofundme.com.

A couple of years ago we raised some needed funds for a Black Farmers Summit at Howard University, Washington, DC. That event was a success. Contributors were told about their meaningful contributions before that page was taken down.

Now, we have been engaged in another fundraising cause since January of this year. It is a different sort of campaign. It has gotten personal, very personal.

I first met Eddie and Dorothy Wise back in 2005 or so when I first began what has been an amazing relationship with BFAA. At that time Eddie was actively involved in growing sweet potatoes and raising hogs in an environmentally safe manner. All he wanted to do was farm. My respect for him also is based upon his service in the US Army. I have a soldier grandson who is in the US Army. War is more real than ever before.

Their story of mistreatment at the hands of the USDA came next. I was given a copy of the document, "Wise v. Glickman, 2000."  There were multiple failures on the part of the USDA: "the failure to provide loan applications when requested, technical support and assistance in the application process, submission of applications in a timely fashion, information and assistance relative to guaranteed load opportunities, and timely processing of loan applications. The USDA denied loan applications purposefully, and retaliatory actions were taken by the county supervisor. Options for socially disadvantaged farmers in keeping with USDA policy were not offered. The USDA failed to investigate the county supervisor. The couple experienced loss of land, credit, mental and physical health, and public humiliation" (Hinson & Robinson, 2008, page 293.).

They have been removed from their land at gun point, lived in a motel for several months, and, now, she has had her legs amputated.

These and more details are found at https://www.gofundme.com/39m8623g.

Just read the updates. They tell the story.

You'll even see photos of guns held by men in black.

This is America. Land of the free. Justice for some.

Injustice Anywere is Injustice Everywhere: Tennessee and Beyond

There are indeed some strange things happening in Tennessee, the state where my boys were born, where we worked for close to ten years, and where friends and colleagues live now.

They trouble my soul. I am of the opinion that these political maneuvers will sweep the country under the current hyper-conservative leadership in the WH and the states. I hope I am wrong.

Again, this is a long and convoluted post that weaves together three key things, a code of ethics, a state law, and a proposed state law. Please hang in there with me on this one.

In brief, the following subprinciple is in the AAMFT's latest revision to its code of ethics. For those of us who are marriage and family therapists and who are members of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists, we adhere to these standards.

AAMFT Code of Ethics

1.1 Non-discrimination.

Marriage and family therapists provide professional assistance to persons without discrimination on the basis of race, age, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, disability, gender, health status, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, gender identity or relationship status.

A couple of years ago, this bill was passed and signed by the governor of the state of Tennessee:

Tennessee SB 1556. Which asserts that (a) No counselor or therapist providing counseling or therapy services shall be required to counsel or serve a client as to goals, outcomes, or behaviors that conflict with a sincerely held religious belief of the counselor or therapist; provided, that the counselor or therapist coordinates a referral of the client to another counselor or therapist who will provide the counseling or therapy.

(b) The refusal to provide counseling or therapy services as described in subsection (a) shall not be the basis for: (1) A civil cause of action; (2) Criminal prosecution; or (3) Any other action by this state or a political subdivision of this state to penalize or withhold benefits or privileges, including tax exemptions or governmental contracts, grants, or licenses.

Finally, this is the bill that is gaining ground in Tennessee as we speak:

SB 0001 proposed by Johnson

Mental Health & Substance Abuse Services, Dept. of - As introduced, prohibits the Board for Professional Counselors, Marital and Family Therapists, and Clinical Pastoral Therapists from adopting any rule that incorporates by reference a national association's code of ethics, including, but not limited to, the American Counseling Association Code of Ethics; revises other provisions related to allowing counselors to not counsel when doing so conflicts with beliefs. - Amends TCA Title 4; Title 49 and Title 63. 

What do all of these mean for those of us who fight for justice. First of all it means that a member of AAMFT and one who is licensed by the State of Tennessee as a marriage and family therapist (or as a member of any national organization such as APA, ACA, or NASW who is also licensed in the state) stand in contradiction to that which is an ethical principle and that which is state law.

Second, it means that literally, based on any "sincerely held religious belief," I can refuse therapeutic services to anyone. The flood gate can open as wide as it wishes.  You are black and I do not treat blacks, you are Muslim and I do not treat Muslims, you are Hispanic and I do not treat Hispanics, you are LGBT and I do not treat LGBTs, you are whatever and I do not treat whatever you are and whatever your issues are if they disagree with mine. I do not treat members of a particular church who hold to particular beliefs, so let me send you on down the line. Or, I have been working with you for a while, and now I discover that you struggle with X, Y, or Z, so let me send you on down the line.

Third, it means that some of our most vulnerable people are being kicked to the proverbial curb and those who do so as they hide behind the laws of a state are committing greater wrongs.

Fourth, these laws set up artificial distinctions as to what a therapist holds personally or not. To draw the line in pretty obvious ways neglects the fact that we have held personal opinions about any number of personal issues that clients bring to the office. As an aside, several years ago it occurred, to me "that no one died and made me king of the universe, so I will walk with people wherever they are." And in the words of a friend a couple of years ago, "I am just tired of having to be right."

Fifth, the State of Tennessee, if indeed the latest bill passes, is now in the business of regulating codes of ethics. It is curious to me that psychologists, social workers, and other mental health professions are not mentioned in this legislation, nor are other licensed professionals in other professions such as nursing, medicine, or whatever. Why has Senator Johnson done the pick and choose notion? Why not attempt to pass a bill that impacts all as listed in the state's occupational code?  My opinion is that to do so would create a fire storm of unbelievable proportions. Instead, the law picks on smaller licensing boards. That, too, is reprehensible.

Sixth, it means that if a vulnerable client catches wind of these laws and all, she or he, young or old, may decide not to seek the therapy needed. Fearful youth, anxious adults, and other vulnerable people will be cast aside because someone in power and privilege listening to a few of us deem the law more important than people. Seems to me that Jesus of Nazareth had something to say about that, and maybe on more than one occasion.

Technically, since I live in Texas, this is not my fight.  Spiritually, as a man of faith, it is my fight. As one who is concerned about social justice, marginalized people, and people receiving a message of "you do not belong," this matters to me deeply.

My hope and prayer is that people who care, who have influence and are willing to use that influence in the great State of Tennessee, will tell these congress persons to stand down. All of God's children deserve equal treatment under the law. The law should leave ethical standards to those who know the most about clinical issues and their obligations toward ethical issues.

Personally, I think legislators should over rule the first law and choose not to pass the second one.

Who Gets to Call Who What: Engaging or Exorcising Our Internal Bigots?

The whole name calling thing has been an obsession of mine for several weeks now. Recently, in an early morning read of the Jesus story, there was a name that somebody was calling somebody. The name? "The Deceiver." Called of whom? Jesus of Nazareth. Called by whom? The Chief Priests and Pharisees. To whom were they using this term, "The Deceiver?" Pilate. And that was to insure that the tomb would be secure. And, a curious text in the Gospel of Mark says that they were afraid of the Man from Nazareth. Curious. A person they feared. One whose death they plotted. At His death and in His tomb, He is called "The Deceiver."

And then I began to wonder, who gets to call who what and when. These days the President is called a lot of names by different folks. Race baiter, turd, coward, liar, village idiot, blowbama, boy, punk husband, and lying Obama just to name a few. Frankly, there are others I respect such as Representative John Lewis, a legend in the arena of social justice, also receives similar verbal taunts, even in his old age.

What occurs to me is that it is "us," whoever "us" is that gets to call "them" names, whoever "them" happens to be.

Name calling helps to draw distinctions and some of those distinctions are more than just superficial name calling, in my opinion.

I remember with much shame the last time I used a racial epithet that is frequently used to describe a race of people. Despite any number of experiences I'd had, my racialized past haunted me and then and there it came out. Without provocation, I used the word N****r in front of someone I cared about and she planted a fork in the back of my right hand and told me never to use that word again. We were in college, in the cafeteria, doing our college thing.

That experience has stayed with me with all of the questions that one would want to ask. Why did I use that word when I found that word to be nauseatingly offensive. From what crevices of my mind did that word and its various associations reside. Why would I use that word when I was offended when my boss earlier in my high school years used the same word toward one of his customers?

There was some emotional excavating that needed to happen.

Many years later, Richard Schwartz wrote a life-changing book, Internal Family Systems Therapy. Thanks to Dr. Eddie Parish for introducing this work, this way of theorizing and doing therapy, and Dr. Schwartz to us at the MFT/ACU community. Later, in 2001 Dr. Schwartz told a riveting story in an article entitled, "Dealing with  Racism: To Exorcise or Embrace Our Internal Bigots." That article is revised and found in IFS: Innovations and Elaborations in Internal Family Systems Therapy.  That story was about when he was compelled to deal with his internal bigots. The scene occurred in front a large crowd of people at a conference. Check out the book or article and he can tell you better than I can.

His theory suggests that we all experience "multiplicity of the mind," that we all have in varying ways, a Core Self, a set of manager parts, a set of exile parts, and a set of fire fighter parts. The Core Self is as we are intended to be, kind, generous, thoughtful, respectful, spiritual. The manager parts are protector parts and they just want to keep us out of trouble, to keep hurt, fear, and rage all under control. Our exile parts are filled with hurt, shame, guilt, humiliation. The fire fighter parts are skilled at protecting us as well. Lest the exile parts lay out our hurt or shame, the fire fighter parts react in some emotionally reactive way that is both distracting and protective and laced with impulsivity, either with words or with actions or both.

What Schwartz suggests and I found for myself was that hidden within us are parts with unique ways of thinking, feeling, behaving, and viewing the world that are often not in my public view. Those parts use demeaning words, phrases, justifications, and the like.  They often mimic words, phrases, attitudes, justifications, and the like that I heard as a child, as an adolescent, and that I still hear and see as an adult.

We are complex and complicated. Who wants to admit to the Self or the world, "I am a racist." No one that I know of. Who wants to say to the woman who checks us out at Walmart, "Oh, by the way, did you know that I am a racist and that I have bad words to say about people of color." Who wants to admit to the congregation on Sunday morning at the altar call, "I have sinned because I am a closet racist and use ugly words to describe people of color including some here in this church." Who wants to say to the person receiving food and clothing at the church facility, "I am prejudiced against people like you who cannot take care of themselves."

No one that I know of.

I believe that people are good, generally speaking.  I also believe that we are made in the image and likeness of God. I do believe that we are fallen people both individually and as a society, and that only in eternity will we be restored to our true selves as God fully intended. Even the worst of us have positive attributes and the worst of us have negative attributes.

So, I am going to explore the inner parts of what makes me me. I am going to continue to embrace those internal bigoted parts and point out that they no longer need to protect me from anything and that they can take on different assignments. I am going to listen to how those parts think, feel, perceive the world, and the words that they use to describe other people. I am going to ease their burdens as they tell their secrets. No need for an exorcism here, just meaningful dialogue, internal dialogue.

This is actually an ongoing process for me as a human being. I do not want to be anything other than what God intended for me to be. I do not want to be overly influenced by society, past or present. I do not want to hear pejorative words coming from my mouth. Seems like the Man from Nazareth even said something about that.

It has helped immensely through the years that people who love and respect me have called me out on symbols that I have used that allowed racist ideas and attitudes to linger beneath their use. That symbolic language thing is a killer. They loved me enough to confront me.

It has also helped immensely that people have schooled me from the inside out and the outside in. The president of BFAA taught me more than I wanted to know about living while Black and farming while Black in America. The vice-president of BFAA taught me more than I wanted to know about the same and more.

I also suspect that these ideas apply to groups within our country. Yes, I think they apply to individuals and that we can embrace rather than exorcising our internal bigots, and that as a society, we would do well within our groups to embrace rather than exorcise our internal bigots.

That way, we might hear less of the name-calling. Race baiter. Boy. Village idiot. Blowbama. Punk husband. You people.  Those people. Their kind.

Thugs. Good for nothin's. Entitled. Lazy. Welfare queen. Chimpanzee. Gorilla.

Sometimes I Let My Thinkin' Do My Talkin'

When I’ve got no words to say
          And the words are flowin’ fast
          When the mood is just not right
          And the moment may not last

I let my thinkin’ do my talkin’.

When the days are long and heavy

          And the hope looks surely gone
          When the lights are pretty dim
          And folks are ponderin’ home

I let my thinkin’ do my talkin’.

When evenin’ turns to night
           And the nights are long and quiet
           When the breathin’ turns to sighs
           And the world just don’t seem right

I let my thinkin’ do my talkin’.

When there seems nothin’ new under the sun

          When people are runnin’ amock
          And the world seems gone astray
          When righteousness has no luck

I let my thinkin’ do my talkin’.

When chaos fills the news

           And the way seems filled with doubt
           When confusion gets louder and louder
           When truth has momentarily lost out

I just let my thinkin’ do my talkin’.

Yes, I just let my thinkin’ do my talkin’.
Yes, Lord, I just let my thinkin’ do my talkin’.
I just let my thinkin’ do my talkin’.

Almost You Talked Me Into It: A Nod to King Agrippa and Paul the Apostle

I sit on my throne of judgement
Listening to your impassioned words
Making sense of them and
They collide with my entitled world.

Almost you talked me into stepping

Down from my safe privileged space
And power to humble myself
Before your King of Kings so you say.

You speak of monumental moments

In your life’s narrative leading to
Telling me that my life
Can find newer meaning if I’ll only come around.

I sit and I listen quietly to these new words

After all I am powerful and you are a prisoner
But your words and your passion are not the same
As I usually hear when sitting up this high.

Almost you talked me into it

Almost but not quite
You gave it a good shot see you later if at all
You go and die and I’ll stay safe and secure here.

He sits on his chair of opinion and privilege

Across the table or before her computer
The words stories and tales of suffering and woe
Reach out to capture his heart, seize her soul.

She hears and does not hear

He sees and does not see
Tormented souls and strife and struggle
Then explains them as before.

You almost talked me into it

Almost but not quite
Your impassioned plea for those people
Landed on my ears but I’ll just see them with old eyes.

Almost you persuaded me to believe in their cause

Almost not quite in their stories
I will stay the same in my insulated world
From my safe space I will name-call blame insult demean.

The least of these

Collides with that which is me
And that which is me
Trumps the least of these.

Almost

Not quite
And so we part
Almost was not enough.

Eyes to See, Ears to Hear

There are two Americas. I live in one. It is the white one. My family and many of my friends live in the same white America. I have friends who live in another America, black America. They tell me it is not the same America that I live in. These friends are forced in many ways to be bi-cultural, that is, to live in both Americas, the white one and the black one. 

The idea of bi-culturalism fits for my American Indian friends.  The research there says that the healthiest of outcomes for AI people is to live comfortably by going back and forth between the two and to have a strong identity with their AI heritage.

Perhaps we can talk about those things later.

For now, we live in a post-election era unlike any other. Sure, when President Obama was elected there was the obligatory protesting with offensive signs and behaviors and all. The signs of these times are written all about us, if we have eyes to see and ears to hear, to borrow a phrase or two from Jesus of Nazareth.

While these opinions on this page are my own, and not that of anyone else, I have asked a few questions. White friends have told me that Obama is a race-baiter and has made things worse for race relations. That is a phrase that comes from a lot of folk, family and friends. I have asked other white friends and they have said that they think the election has made things more polarized and painful to watch for all people, particularly for people of color and other marginalized groups.

More specifically, I have asked friends who are African American how they see things. I trust their perspectives. They unanimously said that discrimination and racism have always existed, something they feel, and that it is now more frequent and intensified. Nobody would ever explain these friend to friend conversations as any kind of social science, survey, valid and reliable sort of thing.  Will save that for the real social scientists.  However, when my friends tell stories of their "friends" coming at them with hateful, vitriolic notions, and when they see and feel people they care about being called "N****r" and other insulting things, it all sounds pretty real to me. When the parents have to have "the talk" with their adolescents, it is a sign of the times multiplied.

Just this week the Washington Post published a summary of episodes of violence in the post-election aftermath. You can see that here.  "Ten Days After: Harassment and Intimidation in the Aftermath of the Election" by the Southern Poverty Law Center is also compelling.  You can read that here. The dominant themes of anti-immigrant, Black, Muslim, LGBT, woman, and Semitism, as well as white nationalism and anti-Trump  rhetoric are disturbing. Nearly 900 incidents have been chronicled as to what, by whom, toward whom, and location.

When the president-elect campaigned by using vitriolic, offensive language and has refused to acknowledge such, that is just beyond believability. Read this piece about his rhetorical style and its impact on audiences.  It seems to me that people have now found validation of harmful attitudes and actions.

Without much hesitancy, I can say that most people who will review this post are not in the category of offenders.  We are, however, in the category of defenders or in the category of the silent.

So, I ask you to speak out against hate speech and actions.  Speak to your representatives in congress at both the state and national level. Lobby with the president-elect and the vice-president elect to speak out against peoples' inhumanity to people. Bring these issues up wherever you hang out with people, church, civic groups, or wherever.

At another level, it seems to me that we can speak out for people.  Sometimes they are in the words of the man from Nazareth, the "least of these," and at all times, the victims of these heinous things are people for whom Christ died. Those who are on the receiving end of these acts of verbal and physical violence also have families. Surely the pain of the one traumatized reaches out to the family and loved ones of the traumatized.

Those words, "the least of these," popped out at me in my early morning reading and reflection time this morning. The words are inescapably on the lips of the man from Nazareth as He approached His own death.

I think we have an obligation to speak up and speak out in actions loud and in actions quiet. After all, we are all people for whom Christ died, and as such, we are all obligated to treat people with dignity and respect. Let us not meet aggression with silence. That would be wrong. Very wrong.