Her story is in the text below, bold and italicized because I think we need to hear her. Shared here only with permission is the story of a woman who loves her husband deeply, knowing that each time he leaves, it may be his last. Her story moved my heart. I hope we can hear it and hear it well, and hear it respectfully. I know this young woman, but have never met her husband. We hope to do so soon. It is the story of many who live in Black America, but more than that, it is her story, her personal story.
Because I think it's important that you know this experience isn't a sensationalized "thing" only brought forth by headlines and bandwagons...
Yesterday in the ...late afternoon, my husband decided he wanted to go visit his cousin in Trinity, TX which is about 30 minutes northeast of Huntsville. I quickly surveyed the time he was leaving, who he would be with, and the time he would potentially get back and politely suggested he should not go or leave earlier. My fear wasn't because he may or may not be drinking. It wasn't fear for him falling asleep on the road. It was for his safety as a black man driving at night.
Because I think it's important that you know this experience isn't a sensationalized "thing" only brought forth by headlines and bandwagons...
Yesterday in the ...late afternoon, my husband decided he wanted to go visit his cousin in Trinity, TX which is about 30 minutes northeast of Huntsville. I quickly surveyed the time he was leaving, who he would be with, and the time he would potentially get back and politely suggested he should not go or leave earlier. My fear wasn't because he may or may not be drinking. It wasn't fear for him falling asleep on the road. It was for his safety as a black man driving at night.
What if something happens? What if his car breaks down late? How close is Cut and Shoot to where he's going? What is he wearing? He needs to change to look more presentable and not a threat in case something happens.
I prayed silently in my head that he was mindful and not careless even though he's from this small town. I surveyed his face trying to remember all the details and how big and bright his smile is "just in case." And I, as casually as I could, threw indirect reminders to him about being calm and patient on the road with everyone.
He ended up not going, deciding to hang out with his mom and go out with friends that evening. But this is my experience every . single. time. he leaves to go somewhere. If it is outside of the multicultural safety bubble that is our neighborhood, I'm anxious, I pray, and I try to remember his face "just in case."
Again, this fear is ever present no matter that is going on in the political realm, who may or may not be shooting at each other in the news, and what bloggers and sensationalists say in the media. I learned very early on that I needed to act a certain way to be considered a "good black person," and even that did not protect me from discrimination. The world taught me that as a *child*, not a specific person, movement, or ideology.
So, right now during a time of quiet and us not being hit with an onslaught of new stories about this, I hope that some of you, when the next headline comes up (which it will) of a person of color being harmed or discriminated against, that none of our criticisms be a downplaying or minimization of the DAILY stress that comes with being a person of color. If you've never had to memorize your loved one's face before they left for what should be a completely normal and everyday occurence, then you do not have the right to tell me what I should and should not feel.
Say anything else, but not that...
Shena T.
I prayed silently in my head that he was mindful and not careless even though he's from this small town. I surveyed his face trying to remember all the details and how big and bright his smile is "just in case." And I, as casually as I could, threw indirect reminders to him about being calm and patient on the road with everyone.
He ended up not going, deciding to hang out with his mom and go out with friends that evening. But this is my experience every . single. time. he leaves to go somewhere. If it is outside of the multicultural safety bubble that is our neighborhood, I'm anxious, I pray, and I try to remember his face "just in case."
Again, this fear is ever present no matter that is going on in the political realm, who may or may not be shooting at each other in the news, and what bloggers and sensationalists say in the media. I learned very early on that I needed to act a certain way to be considered a "good black person," and even that did not protect me from discrimination. The world taught me that as a *child*, not a specific person, movement, or ideology.
So, right now during a time of quiet and us not being hit with an onslaught of new stories about this, I hope that some of you, when the next headline comes up (which it will) of a person of color being harmed or discriminated against, that none of our criticisms be a downplaying or minimization of the DAILY stress that comes with being a person of color. If you've never had to memorize your loved one's face before they left for what should be a completely normal and everyday occurence, then you do not have the right to tell me what I should and should not feel.
Say anything else, but not that...
Shena T.
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